How We Started Our Neighborhood Bible Study

(our original group at my baby shower) 

 

This isn't the post that I had planned for today, but I've gotten several questions about this recently. So I decided it might be God telling me to go ahead with it and put it out there. Maybe one of you can use this information and take those scary steps forward!

Years ago - several neighborhoods ago, actually - the Lord placed it on my heart to start a home bible study. But I had it in my head that I was no leader and even more than that I didn't know anybody. So I ignored the call. For years, y'all, I ignored what God was asking me to do. As much as it nagged at me, it was just too impossible in my head. I think back to those times and wish I had been braver. Hindsight is always 20/20 though, I guess. 

Fast forward a few years and we went through our first campaign season. I saw God work in the most magnificent and hard ways I had ever experienced. I saw Him come through for us when we trusted fully. I felt His presence when I was more lonely than I could have imagined... walking through a season that not many people could identify with. And as hard as it was, it was really good. 

And then we moved here. 

And again I felt that tug to start a bible study. 

We had just moved into our neighborhood - one that was rich with years of friendships that had previously been made. B started kindergarten and I briefly met a few women through school. But they were already close, and again, Satan kept putting it in my head that I was a nobody. 

I felt isolated as I began to see these friendships unfold from my windshield in the carpool lane. I had just been through a miscarriage that none of these women knew about AND I was pregnant again. I didn't even know how I was feeling about myself, let alone how I was feeling about these other women. 

Yet God continued to press me. 

And eventually I began to whine to Him about how nobody liked me, so stop nagging me already about that Bible Study. But one day I felt a nudge in my heart, "get out of the car, Becky." 

And so I did. 

I got out of the car and immediately found this group of women who were, against all the initial thoughts in my head, A W E S O M E! At some point I was at the park with one of them and she mentioned to me how she wanted to go to Bible Study but her church is way down town so it just wasn't feasible. I felt my heart beating fast and I casually threw out the question : "What if we met at my house on a weeknight?" 

Y'all, she didn't reject me. Despite all the scenarios in my mind where this conversation would take place, I vividly remember pushing our kids on the swings (my nightmare) and talking about bible study. She didn't really even know me. And she was like, "yes!" 

Not only did she think it was awesome, but she ended up pursuing me. I truly believe that God placed her in my life so that this would actually get started. So that I was held accountable to actually trust. 

It would have been so easy for me to forget about it. For me to continue to push it into the outermost parts of mind and think about it "later". And then years from now I'd still be dreaming of it. But God knew that not only did I need it in that season, but the other women did also. 

To make a long story short, the Lord has shown up BIG over the last two years of Bible Study. There have been secrets shared, baggage lifted, weights carried, tears shed and laughter that fills our souls for days. It has been challenging, encouraging and life-giving for all of us. There are seasons that are busier than others and we change up our way of doing it. There are women who have been added and women who have had to take a break for a season or two. Everyone is welcome. 

I have a hunch that if you've made it this far, you just might be feeling a little tug on your heart too, but it feels like so much is holding you back. The weight of fear... fear of rejection, of offending someone, of seeming like you've got it all together when - of course - you don't. Can I share something with you? If God is behind you, these things aren't your responsibility. The bible tells us that He goes before you and, I mean, you are wanting to start a Bible study, right? 

Just believe Him and be bold. 

So here are a few tips to starting your own bible study, if you're praying about it and feel the tug on your heart.

1. Be brave. Take a second right now and right down the names a two or three women that you know in your community. It's scary to start mentioning the idea to others, but just do it. Start to throw it out there. Pray for God to put you in situations with people that you know would be into the idea. God blessed me with THREE women women who latched onto the idea and then basically did the rest of the inviting. The first night that we met, it was my first time to meet a few of the women there. It was a kindred community, and that's all that mattered. Monday nights ended up being the best for our group and we've stuck with that since the beginning. Yours will most likely look different. We meet at 7:30 after the husbands are typically home, but we almost always end up having at least one woman needing a sitter. My kids are in bed and sometimes they wander downstairs (but they've been threatened so they generally don't). Make it work for your community!

2. Choose a study that promotes vulnerability - especially when you're first getting started. We began with Restless. I cannot recommend that study enough! It really meets every woman where they are in all stages of life. It also promotes awesome conversation and provides videos so that you don't even have to "teach", just facilitate the conversation! It sounds scary, but I promise that if the women show up, they are longing for these conversations. I have more recommendations of what we've done at the bottom of this post! ***Your church might have DVD's available to check out through the women's ministry! It's a great place to start!***

3. Get talking. If you need help guiding conversation, IF: Table questions are such a great way to start. They sort of cut through the small talk and get to the hearts of everyone there. There are so many times where we get off track and end up talking about something that happened at school, but we always aim to get back on point. This takes a little practice and honestly, when there is something hard going on, I find that we do need to stop and focus on that for a while. And that's okay. Every season and every study will be different. The biggest thing is to provide a safe environment for women to wrestle with their faith, share their struggles and be encouraged that they are not alone. After all, that's probably want you are wanting out of this, and most likely that's what they want too!

4. Switch it up. Looking back on it, we've almost always alternated between a more substantial bible study and a book. For example, during the holiday season we tend to a do a book and meet only 4-5 times. But right now we're going through a study that is 9 weeks. Everyone is in different seasons and in our experience, this helps keep everyone engaged. The last thing I want anyone to do is burn out!

5. Remember that it does not have to be perfect. When we first started, Jeff was traveling all the time back + forth to Austin so we always met at my house. I think this is probably the best way to start. But this semester is the first time where we've moved houses and that's been a nice change of pace too (at least, for me!) There are nights where my house is less than cleaned up and I only have tap water and apple juice to offer for people to drink. There are nights when we all come in our pj's. Then there are nights where we cook dinner and sit around the table and eat - although those are rare. Right now we've been sitting outside under twinkle lights and enjoying the spring weather (minus the june bugs). Provide a comfortable environment, but don't get hung up on this! Think about what blesses you when you walk into someone else's home. Is it sparkling countertops? Chances are it's not! Snacks, a smell-fantastic candle and some worship music are a great place to start! Light a fire if it's chilly, provide blankets to make it cozy. Do your 15 minute refresh and you're ready to go. The conversation and the women are what you want to be focused on, not the perfect place to sit. If the time spent together is beautiful, comfortable and life-giving, the environment will naturally feel just so.

God only knows what I missed out on by delaying my obedience, y'all. And, as always, He took care of all of the details! He is so faithful and has provided such a sweet and beautiful place of fellowship and community through our bible study. I cannot encourage you enough to bite the bullet if it's been on your heart! I promise you won't regret it!!!! 

Here's the list of other studies we've done in the two years we've met. 

Restless by Jennie Allen

The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst

Fighting Back with Joy by Margaret Feinberg

What Love Is by Kelly Minter

Bread + Wine by Shauna Niequist

For the Love by Jen Hatmaker

IF: I believe by the If Gathering (current study)

15 Minute Refresh

Okay so things are about to get real up in here. Real vulnerable… so let’s promise each other we won’t be judgmental about what I’m about to share with you, mmmkay?

Let’s just say that I have a friend who has had days where she looks down at 4:30 and is still in her pajamas - er, workout clothes - and looks around and wonders “what have I done all day?” Does this ring a bell with anyone?? I mean, not myself, but any of y'all?!

Has your hubby ever called and said he’ll be home in 15 minutes and you think, “C R A P”, I guess I should turn Netflix off and make my bed. Hmmm…. and maybe now would be a good time to brush my teeth….and maybe get the kids out of their jammies….”

Being a stay at home mom (or work at home mom... or single mom... or any kind of wifey!) does NOT mean we sit at home and eat Bon Bons and watch Netflix all day - but there ARE days where it’s easy to not get anything crossed off your list. Either it’s because you’ve been drowning in a pile of laundry, or a sick - or just plain  needy - baby, or you’ve been running errands like a crazy person, or you just maybe took an hour for “yourself” to sit on the couch and watch netflix - er, read a book.

It’s easy for a day to feel completely wasteful and for your husband to walk in the door with wide eyes and ask the dreaded question, “what have you been doing all day?” (Let’s not get into the fact that he should N E V ER ask that question, am I right?)
But I have some quick and painless ways to hit restart - even at 4:30 in the afternoon - so that when your hubby, or other invited guests, walk in the door, it feels calm and refreshing.

1. TURN ON (LOUD) MUSIC.

The only exception to this step is if you have a baby napping. I have found that Taylor Swift does the trick every time, but for you it might be George Strait or Maroon 5. I am a worship music gal, but for this particular exercise, worship music doesn’t do it for me. I need something super upbeat and get-movingish to snap me out of whatever kind of funk I’m in that day. This step is essential to a successful Refresh.

2. ENLIST YOUR CHILDREN

If your children are old enough (like mine), enlist them to help. This is where the music helps too. For us, they’ve gotten use to this process so they know that when the music goes on loud at the end of the day, it’s pick up time. They are in charge of picking up upstairs, taking up their laundry and anything else from downstairs and a lot of days I make them pick up the back yard at this time too. Mainly, their job is to let me do MY job too.

3. SET YOUR TIMER FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES AND GO.

This helps you from getting distracted when an email dings on your computer or a text comes through on your phone. This is “get it done” time and you CAN do it, so focus!!

4. PICK UP THE MAIN SPACE

Our house is basically one giant room on the bottom that we live in, so this is where I start. It’s what Jeff - or anyone - would see when they walk in the door. I put away any dishes in the sink and anything that is on the counter in the kitchen. This is not reorganizing and throwing away time… this is putting it away as fast as we can time.

After I finish with the kitchen, I pick up the living room… whatever the kids haven’t already picked up. I generally have to fold blankets and put pillows back on the couch and clean up the tornado that Landry has left in his wake. **At this point, I generally put most of his toys away and leave out just a handful that aren’t messy. So he’ll have his play table and maybe a big car or two and a ball. But I put up his blocks and shape sorter, etc…. anything that can spread out into a big mess, I put away.

I double check our bedroom to make sure the bed is made and there isn’t dirty laundry on the floor and then I’m done with the pickup step. The goal is not to pickup the whole house… just where YOU or YOUR HUSBAND hang out. What he’ll most likely be walking through in the first 10 minutes he gets home.

5. DUST

You probably read this step and thought, I’m out… but hang with me. I hate dusting too. But I’ve found that the swifter duster is A M A Z I N G for this little process. And quick. I simply drag it along all of the surfaces in the living room, breakfast nook and bedroom. Easy peasy. It probably takes me 90 seconds. For real.

6. OPERATION SMELL CLEAN + SHINE ALL THE THINGS.

This is my favorite step and it combines tips from some favorite women in my life.

First, I pour a little lemon pine sol in my kitchen sink and then fill it up with hot water. Not all the way, but some. While it’s filling up, I run around to the bathrooms and pour a little in each toilet and then come back to the sink. Turn off the water, then grab some lemon clorox wipes and head back to the bathroom.

This is FlyLady’s infamous “swish and swipe”. Swish the pinesol water around in the toilet with the toilet brush and then wipe down the seat real quick with one of the clorox wipes. Done. If you’re feeling like you’re doing good on time, wipe the bathroom counter down too (PRIOR to wiping the toilet, of course!)

Wipe down all the kitchen counters either with the wipes or your favorite counter cleaner. I love Mrs. Meyer’s basil scented spray. This isn’t a move all of the things and wipe type of deal… I just do what I can see and move on.

Next - one of my favorite tips of all time - use one of the clorox wipes to wipe down the door frame (and door) that your beloved husband (or guests) will walk into. This will ensure that they will step into a smell-clean home. Smell is the most powerful scent…. so keep that in mind! I typically wipe down the door and then the trim in the hallway he walks through just to make sure it REALLY smells good!!

***Throw away your wipes and leave the pinesol in the sink for the time being***

7. FIX YO-SELF

This is the point in time that you get dressed - even if it’s just changing from sweatpants and a tee shirt to JEANS and a tee shirt. If your teeth are feeling a bit fuzzy… BRUSH THEM. Put on a little perfume. Wash your face if you need to… or put on a little blush, mascara and lip gloss - my favorite combo. You’ll feel better and if your hubby is on his way home you’ll look FRESH and ready to welcome him home.

8. CHANGE THE MUSIC.

After the mad rush of cleaning and picking up is over, I settle the music down to what my kids call “cooking music.” It’s a nice blend of Norah Jones, Harry Connick and Frank Sinatra. (You can follow me over on spotify.) It relaxes me and it also sets the tone for the household for the rest of the evening.

9. SET THE TABLE

If you’re having dinner together, go ahead and set the table. For me, this typically happens after the timer goes off… and that’s okay. I enlist one of the children to help. Our table happens to be located right where Jeff walks in so it’s a nice statement to be made… “we’re looking forward to having dinner together!” if it’s set all nice and ready. Honestly, my kids fight over who gets to set the table. It’s weird, I know. But I’ll just go with it at this point.

10. EMPTY THE SINK + FLUSH THE TOILETS   

You can’t have him knowing what your secrets are!

BONUS STEP :: GET SOMETHING COOKING

If you have dinner planned - or even if you don’t - this is a great way to scream “LOOK, I’VE DONE SOMETHING TODAY!” to whoever it is that walks in the door. A tip I received from a friend of my mom’s is to caramelize some onions so when you’re hubby walks in he gets that beautiful smell! Or throw some break + bake cookies in the oven.

***Caramelizing onions is super simple. Throw a bit of butter in a skillet and slice up some onions real thin and let it go to work on medium heat. They take about 30 minutes to caramelize all the way… so it’s a GREAT thing to have set on the stove when someone walks in. And you can throw them over most anything you’re cooking. Except maybe a casserole. But if you’re making a casserole in the oven, you don’t need the onions caramelizing anyway, right?

And there you have it.

My 15 Minute Refresh. A good combo of advice and tips I’ve received from wise women I’ve met and stuff I’ve found to be true for myself!! I hope it helps y’all to have a happy home too! If you have any tips I’d LOVE to hear them! Share them below so we can all benefit from them!!!!

looking forward.

every year as we near the peak of the holiday season, i begin to look forward to the next year. as much as i love everything about the holidays - the decorating, especially - i love taking it all down and clearing out space almost just as much.

it's not as much fun while i'm in the process, but i can find freedom in the freshness of it all. and i use the word can on purpose, because for many people {and often for me, as well} it can feel empty. it's all in the way i look at it and, i believe, in the way that we prepare for it.

this year i am getting my heart ready. i know it's going to be an extra tough january / february with the hubbs traveling so much, so i have been asking the Lord to reveal things {and people} to me that can brighten my days as well as bless my family.

1. create a safe haven at home. // oh how this has been my heart for years. i feel like the nester has put my heart into beautiful words in her book. {i'm sure she got the idea from me, right?} there are so many beautiful resources out there for this concept. but in the process of cleaning out after christmas i want to focus on our house being a home for all three of my littles and especially for my husband.

i have many jobs as a "stay at home mom" but one of the first and foremost is homemaker. think about that word.  home maker. it is exactly all that i want to be. i desire to make a home that is filled with people, smells and things {yes, things} that we find beautiful and uplifting; things that point us all to Jesus. i heard someone say once that they wanted their home to be like a warm hug at the end of the day. that is what i desire for my home - but it won't just get there on it's own. i aim to strategically think about this one and plan in the coming weeks.

2. have a party. // one of the greatest mentors in my life told us once of how every evening when her husband got home from work they had a little party. they were all waiting by the door as soon as the garage door opened and celebrated daddy being home. i don't know about you, but i absolutely love this. how often do i roll my eyes about my day when he walks in the door and {kindly} asks about my day? how often do i barely greet him because i'm "too busy" cooking, picking up or whatever other things could have not only waited, but could have be done earlier in the day? this is going to be a huge goal of mine as we go forward. how do you think your hubby would react if you and your kids treated him like a superhero every time he walked in the door? i think it might be good for everyone involved.... am i right?

3. treat myself. // when the hubbs went to session last year, my mom suggested that i always keep fresh flowers in my kitchen or by my bed. just a little 'sussy' for myself while he was away. i think this is an awesome concept for all mommas. it's just a little extra expense that, when i can afford to, brings a lot of joy to my heart. it's amazing how something so small can lift my mood so much. other things that i'd like to implement are hot baths and a guilty pleasure netflix show {that i'm currently on the search for}. what are some of the little ways that you like to treat yourself? 

do you start looking forward already or do you wait until the new year arrives?

you're my cup of tea. {a printable}

these little gifts are super simple. i actually made them with stuff i had around the house last minute. but that's because i'm a hoarder, despite all protests to the contrary from my husband. 

oh well - this is when it pays off. 

so this is what we put together for little teacher gifts for valentine's day, but you could do it for ANYONE for ANY reason.... not necessarily only valentines day....

here's your supply list.

large treat bags

crinkle filler {any color}

mug {i had this four pack from ikea & split it between four bags}

tea bags

set of these FREE cards

some candy to put in the mug

this little tag

mini clothespins {optional - you can staple them or tape them instead}

open up the treat bag + fill with a little filler. place the mug to one side & the tea bags to the other. i put the set of cards in the back. b was old enough to make a whole extra card for his teacher, so i put that in the back with the cards as well on his. fill the mug up with candy. {i used valentine's day tootsie rolls, but you can't see that here.  judging my picture taking skills! argh!} fold over the top & pin with the clothespin + tag. 

done and done.

you are welcome.

happy monday sweet friends. 

how was your weekend?

mine was lovely... a little thrifting & football will do that for ya. 

so, today i wanted to share a little about something the Lord has put on my heart recently.

it's about opening up our home. your home.

to those around us. our neighbors. our friends. our family. 

the Lord commands us to let our light shine... and the best way to start is in our homes.

this is our fifth house since j & i have been married. 

and we hope that it's our 'forever' house. but we also know God makes His own plans - as we've experienced many times before. 

but i am really wanting to nest here. and settle in. and make it home for our family.

and i want to start by making our porch welcoming. to everyone. i want our house to be that city on the hill - and for me - that starts with having a welcoming porch.

one of the reasons we bought this house was the front porch. i just had to have one. 

to sit on & mingle with neighbors passing by. 

for the kids to read on.

to watch a thunderstorm roll in on.

and this house has that very porch.

and it doesn't take much to make it feel welcoming, does it?

 start with a welcome mat {target has amazing ones - ours is from bed bath & beyond.}

and a wreath. pinterest has SO many ideas for great wreaths. they don't have to be seasonal, but at this time of the year they pretty much always are.

my girlfriend makes awesome door hangers. i'm still waiting for my texas one. {hint, hint.}

i want anyone & everyone that drives by our house to think we are an open book. our door is open. come in. have coffee. play. share.

that may sound weird to you. does it? 

but i strongly feel that we are called to this life. to be the light. to love on others. to include everyone. 

and i think that starts in our home. 

and sometimes it's the easiest place to forget about and the hardest place to share with someone.

why is that? 

i've found that it starts with wanting to pretend like i'm someone i'm not.

i tend to perform. to put on an "i have it all together" act for those who i don't know as well as some. i mean. let's get real people. i do not have it all together. i never will. and those people who look like they do? they really don't. 

right? 

right????

 it causes anxiety in our home. i'm messy. my husband is neat. but when it comes to having people over, i want it to look perfect. and y'all... that's the wrong priority. 

how do you think that makes people feel? when they walk into my home and i fret about the pillows be fluffed when they sit down or when our kids get nerds stuck in the carpet that i worked tirelessly to clean? 

it makes them feel like it's about the performance - about me - not about them. 

i don't like that. it disgusts me, actually. and i'm working hard to change it.

i want my home to be about others. and pointing them toward Christ. i want it to be glorifying to Him and i want people to feel welcomed and loved. and to leave feeling filled up. wanted. and included.

and honestly, who cares if you have a front porch? you may not. it's no big deal. it's not the point. {although, i do love my porch. can you tell?}

the point is - is your home welcoming? i'm talking from the outside in. 

are your blinds shut & lights turned off so that no one thinks your home? 

or is it a bright light? 

a city on a hill - inviting someone to knock on your door & ask you to visit?

think about it. pray about it. and let's start to welcome others in our homes together. 

processing africa: lessons on hospitality.

this video is from our trip to bethlehem. a remote village about 4 hours north {i think?} of kampala. this day blessed me more than any other day on our trip. have you watched the video? now you know why.

these precious children, and adults really, welcomed us with open arms.

no judgement for the muzungus. no predispositions. no half hearted smiles when we arrived. only pure hospitality. i believe, the kind of hospitality that the bible speaks of over and over.

after the welcome that we received {they're saying YOU ARE WELCOME, OUR VEESTORS!} it is my opinion that they had been preparing for months for our arrival. that really might not be the case, seeing as they do have other veestors {that's ugandan for vis-i-tors}. but they made us feel like rock stars. and why? because we are there to sing a song or two and love on them? to us it's no big deal. something a lot of us do once a year and then go back to our comfortable homes. we just want to check that off our list, but for them.... for them, it's important. it's special. something they look forward to. anticipate. celebrate.

after their precious song, they took us on a 'tour' of their school and church. their school consists of three huts. they are actually nicer than i thought they might be. the kids learn in english. and they're really smart and they listen intently to their teachers. it's precious. but they latched onto us as we walked. and it melted me. they gave us flowers that they made and little banana leaf dolls. and opened our hands until we couldn't accept any more. 

they loved on us. 

it was reverse of how i thought it was supposed to be. they blessed us. 

they taught us about hospitality. how to welcome people with open arms. to anticipate their visit. 

it made me wonder what life would look like if i did that in my home. if my home was always open and felt welcome to all. without judgement or reservation. without the half-hearted smile and "i hope you don't stay too long so i can go back to watching real housewives" conversation.

what would that look like?

i think it would do a lot of good for the world if we, as believers, treated others like these precious ugandans treated us. 

it would leave a mark on people's souls. 

if we truly, genuinely, invested in our neighbors. our school teachers. my goodness - if we invested in our friends & family this much, we would change the world. 

 

we are a distracted nation. distracted and busy with life. it's hard to be fully present in our world. with calendars, church events & scheduled activities. we're hardly ever there. we're already on to the next thing on our to do list for the day - or scheduling the next thing - or talking about scheduling the next thing. 

we are very rarely focused on the here & now. or, at least that's how i feel i am.

j and i were at dinner a few months ago and saw a group of teenage girls at a table and they were all on their iPhones. it broke my heart.

not because i don't love my iPhone,  because i do. but because it made me think back to some of those dinners i had in high school. either with our church friends or my group of girlfriends {the fine nine! holla!} and how i have silly stories that i can still tell. i remember, often, laughing till i was crying. calling into the radio to get songs dedicated {ahem - katy wallis}, dancing and crying. we were fully present. all there. right there. 

and i want that for my kids. 

but not only for my kids, y'all. but for myself.

my roomate, katie, and i were talking one night about this and decompressing from the day. she put it in another perspective. 

what if we treated the visitors in our church this way? 

it would change our church. if we were visitors focused in our classrooms on sunday morning. if we sought out those people who look a little "lost" or uncomfortable and made it our mission to make them feel welcomed and loved. that is what the church is for, people. 

it is a place for everyone.

no matter what they look like. no matter where they come from. no matter what they've done. church is the place for them. and let me tell you, Jesus hung out with the worst of the worst. he welcomed them into His arms. so why can't we be accepting - without hesitation - of these dear people in our own church? 

convicting. 

i'm praying that i have the courage to live this out on sunday mornings. welcoming people that i know into my own house is way easier for me than talking to strangers and striking up conversations. 

i get nervous. and my palms sweat. and i feel like i look like an idiot trying to talk about the weather and such. 

but that is what He has laid on my heart right now. i'm thankful to have traveled with people who challenge me in my faith. i love that He speaks differently to each of us... and then uses us to challenge each other. isn't He a great God?

 

i hope that you are blessed today. and that you have a wonderful weekend with your family & friends. let's try to change the world with this ugandan hospitality. welcoming each other with no reservations. no preconceived judgements. just pure, godly, love toward one another. 

"dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. " 1 john 4:7, 8