Lord, how long?

"then i heard the voice of the Lord, saying, 'whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?' then i said, 'here am i. send me!'" {isaiah 6:8}

next to this passage of scripture in my bible i have scribbled "august 19, 2011". {along with a host of underlines, stars and arrows... but that's another story.}

it's been three years since we said yes to Him. three. three years of ups and downs, tears, heartache, late night discussions, long distance phone calls, middle of the night text messages and face time. as short as that seems, it's also been so long. 

so much life has been lived since we prayed this prayer. He has worked so much change into our hearts. He has blessed us beyond our wildest imaginations since surrendering to this prayer.

send me, Lord. 

send us. 

the legislative session that is on the horizon is heavy on my heart these days, as you can probably tell from my constant posts and thoughts on it. as i pray through my battle between anxious thoughts and a surrendered heart, i keep coming back to this verse; THE verse.

is it still true for me

yes. 

does that mean it's easy or that it feels good? 

no.

does it mean that i don't question Him and His faithfulness? 

definitely not. it's a daily struggle. 

but... as i read through it today i noticed something different that was encouraging.

immediately after the Lord gave isaiah his assignment... isaiah asked...
 

"lord, how long?"

YES! he wanted to know too. 

how long, Lord? he's human... just as we are. and let's be honest here - most of the time God doesn't give us a direct answer to this question. He doesn't say "for two more years, becky, this will be your life". He doesn't say "in two weeks your sweet son will no longer have his days + nights mixed up". 

i could easily say 'not now'. it would be so much easier. it would be cleaner... our life wouldn't look as messy and complicated. it's scary i we don't have the answer to "how long" and some days that is what drives my questioning and faithless heart. some days it seems scary enough that i want to say "enough - i want out." but something stops me. something beyond my control and circumstances leads me beyond my fear of sacrificing my family and my husband for the sake of His service to our state.

His faithfulness. He is always faithful. He always has been faithful. He will not be unfaithful tomorrow.

but that doesn't mean that He can't handle my questions or yours. He can take my constant questions and doubtful thoughts. He knows my heart anyway - so why not just lay it on Him - the good, the bad and the ugly?! He is God and He is GOOD.

so i encourage you today... let go of whatever you're holding onto and let Him send you.  it won't be easy but it will be exhilarating. it won't always feel good and you won't always feel sure, but He will be with you. there's no place that i've found more contentment than standing smack in the middle of a storm i knew He allowed for His glory.  

where is He sending you today? i'd LOVE to hear your story and be able to encourage and pray for you too!