on {NOT} hoping.

that post title sounds kinda morbid, doesn't it - but that's totally NOT what i mean. i don't mean to lose hope or that i've lost hope or that i don't hope.

because of course i do.

here's what i do mean ::

last week we went to our school's end of the year picnic and it was awesome. i had been praying for so long for some sweet friends at school + last night i found myself surrounded by these awesome women that i've met in the past few months. i have two dear friends who have first graders so i've met several first grade moms + our kinder class is amazing filled with precious kids, of course, but also wonderful moms! it's been a deep blessing for me over the past few months and it is not lost on me that this was an answer to some serious prayer. {more on that later.}

but as i was walking awayt, after the bounce houses, the laughter, snow cones, barbeque, face painting and dance contesting, i found myself hoping that it never changes. that we always love it as much as we do + that our kids are always happy there + that we always maintain this group of school friends + that c gets the same teacher, etc.

but then i caught myself. that's not who i want to be, y'all. and i'm not saying anything is wrong with it - because i know that it's a very normal 'mom' thing to do. but for me, i don't want to hope that everything stays the same. i've never wanted that. no, i don't particularly like change, but i do like growth + refinement + stretching. and if everything stays the same, i would never grow, my kids wouldn't see me grow + for sure they wouldn't grow.

so i just want it to be what it was ::

a beautiful, God-given night that was meant to celebrate such a fun year in kindergarten. we will have memories that last a lifetime, yes, but i don't want to be stuck in those memories. i want to enjoy them + learn from them + smile with a very full heart over all that God has done, but then i want to press forward into what lies ahead.

bring it on, first grade.