the idol of routine.

hi friends.

how's your week been? 

mine has been kind of hectic. trying to get everything together for school to start next week. b starts kindergarten and c starts back at her little mdo. 

i thought i'd come back from africa refreshed and relaxed and feeling kind of easy breezy. but there was no time for that. immediately thrown right back into the "swing of things" and trying to navigate this new territory called "home" is not coming as natural as i'd like.

when things get hectic, satan likes to remind me that two years ago {pre-campaign, as i like to call it}, i was in a great "swing" of life. 

i was riding the ride and things were easy. it was summertime and c was still an infant. i remember feeling so happy. not that i'd ever been sad necessarily, but i remember thinking every day that i was the happiest i could remember. 

my marriage was rock solid.

couldn't get enough of my man. 

parenting was seemingly easy. b was following direction and "making good choices" mostly. i remember really cracking down on discipline that summer too. as in, the pulling-over-on-the-side-of-the-road-if-i-needed-to-make-a-point kind of cracking down. and i remember he responded well - eventually.

we had sit down dinners. regularly. 

j. made breakfast on saturday mornings. i slept in. we watched cartoons as a family. 

we were very, very comfortable.

looking back it was the calm before the storm. i can see that now. 

but as the Lord handed us a curve ball and asked us to step out of this comfort zone we were in, i have never truly been able to find my way. find that comfort again.

and throughout this season in our lives i have asked outloud on a number of occasions, "Lord, can we please have our old lives back. i want to feel normal again.."

but then He whispers to me. gently. 

"your life is not your own, my child." 

i don't know about you.... but.... ugghhhhhhhh.

 sometimes i find myself wanting to kick and scream and say "what about me, Lord??? my time & my plans & my family?" 

but that's the thing y'all. 

it's not about me. or you. or us. or this thing called life. 

or even about getting "into a routine". 

the Lord has ever so slowly revealed to me that i hold that on a very high pedestal. waiting for the day that i feel settled again.

i read recently in Jesus calling by sarah young: "expect to encounter adversity in your life, remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world. stop trying to find a way that circumvents difficulties. the main problem with an easy life is that it masks your need for Me." 

wow. 

i truly believe that there is nothing wrong with having an easy life. going through an easy season. being comfortable. 

but it has become an idol an in my life. the feeling of comfort. and happy.

and let's be honest.

the bible promises nothing of being "happy". not that i can find, anyway.

the bible does promise joy. peace. contentment. all when you place your trust - complete trust - in Him.

and that's what i want to be focused on. 

routine may or may not come. it just might be something i don't find while life is taking all sorts of wonky twists and turns. 

either way. i'm going to set my idol down. daily. and choose to put Him on that pedestal instead.

praying you do the same today. 

i'm thankful for you.