why i quit blogging. {and why i'm trying again.}

so i quit blogging a few months ago. maybe two or so.

and it wasn't quite on purpose, persay. 

i just wasn't feeling it. 

i used to blog quite regularly on my first blog. it was about my family. our adventures with the littles. project life. crafting. mommyhood. friendship. 

it was awesome. i loved it. 

it was an outlet for me. i loved taking pictures. editing. posting.

but most of all, i loved writing. i shared my heart with whoever wanted to listen. and, to be quite honest, i didn't care if anyone was listening. 

it was simply for me. 

and if it happened to bring joy or inspiration or encouragement to someone else out there, it was a bonus. icing on the cake. 

and then the campaign happened.

my hunky hubby and i decided to answer a call that the Lord had placed on our lives long ago. the timing came way faster than i ever thought it would. you can read more about it here. 

and along with that, came ugliness. people twisting family pictures & taking words - MY words and making it sound like i was saying something i wasn't. and mind you - i am NOT a politician. i will never EVER speak for my husband. i speak for myself and only myself. 

but nonetheless, i took my original blog down - out of fear for what it might do for my husband.

he encouraged me to start a new one. but i've been filtered. less honest. less vulnerable. 

some posts have been sincere and from the heart. some have been less so, only because i felt like i couldn't share fully what was going on. especially with the struggle during this first legislative session. 

if i had shared that it was hard, and that i missed my husband & that i cry sometimes, i feared that someone would blast out "family headed for trouble". 

if i had shared that i liked some of the people on the other "side".... that some of my favorite people i've met have been of a "different party", we'd be labeled as "comprimising our values". 

if i had described to you how i wanted my husband to be "allowed" to be home when he was home, constituents would have taken it to mean he wasn't ready for this.

but that's the thing.

there's always something. there's always going to be someone who can misconstrue, mistrust and mistreat me. there's always going to be someone looking for the worst in me. in us. 

it's just the name of the game. 

and from the very beginning i have been telling myself i need to get a thicker skin. be myself. break the mold. 

and my husband has been telling me that too. and my precious friends. and, to be honest, the Lord has been gently whispering it in my ear for the last year and a half. 

"I made you. I do not make mistakes. I have a story to tell. let Me tell it."

so here i am. 

broken and beat down. 

humbled and ready. 

ready to tell His story. 

whatever shape or form that might take. pictures or no pictures. words. music. whatevs. 

i'm going to stop comparing right now & attempt to break the mold. i'm going to say yes to Him and let Him make it what He wants. because that's all He requires. 

saying yes.