on sundays.

sundays have almost always been a hard day for me.

j. & i dated in high school but we went to separate high schools. we didn't see each other much during the week - i played sports & so did he. on the weekends we got to see each other either friday or saturday night and then we hung out pretty much all day sunday between church/youth choir/ sunday night church. {ooooh how i miss sunday night church. i LOVED it.}

sunday nights would be full of tears, heartache & catching up on homework for me. oh how dramatic i probably was as a teenager. 

and then i went to college before j. did. sundays were full of goodbyes. and he did an internship in d.c. one summer - more sundays. 

and then there's our current state. 

sundays full of tearful goodbyes. 

and my heart aches. 

i miss my best friend. i miss laughing with him, holding his hand & talking with him about the sweet nothings of our days. our limited conversations now are full of more "important" topics like the littles, his day in session, his votes, my business, planning the weekend, how we're going to get everything done. 

repeat. 

but although my heart is aching... longing for his physical presence... i am oh so grateful that his emotional presence is always felt. when we prayed over the campaign i felt an overwhelming sense of peace that God is BIGGER than a physical gap. He could bridge whatever that gap might bring for me or my children. 

and the peace is wonderful. it surpasses anything i could have ever imagined. it is what holds me together most sunday nights when i watch his tailights fade down the street. the Lord has been gracious to me in that way. 

but the fact is that we live in a fallen world. and although my heartaches does not compare to a lot of yours out there, it is real. and in an odd way it makes me grateful that i even have it. grateful for a husband who loves me and my kids. he loves his job & has a high privelage to serve his constinuents, but i have never doubted that our family comes first. that is a true blessing. 

sundays bring all sorts of emotions. 

sometimes i roll back in time when i say a dramatic teenage goodbye to my boyfriend of 2 months while i feel like i seriously might die if i don't get to see him until saturday. 

sometimes it makes me think of the sunday nights while we were engaged but living in different cities, talking about how we couldn't wait for the sunday that we didn't have to say goodbye. 

and sometimes it makes me thankful for all that the Lord has brought us through to get here, to this sunday. where we are just taking it one day at a time, together, on His course for our lives - wherever that might lead. 

so. with that.... onto monday!

xoxo.