just me.
i am excited to be on this blog today. i'm excited to be writing. excited to share my heart. and be vulnerable.
i'm here not just because i'm excited. but i'm here because the Lord has told me {for quite some time} that i'm supposed to be here.
but, honestly, i've been disobedient.
like, in a REAL way, y'all.
i've long since felt the love of writing. of sharing. documenting.
but life happened and i stopped and have never been able to find my groove again. and now i feel like writing in this little online space has to look like something.
as if there are "rules" now of having a blog. it needs to be pretty. each post needs to have pictures or no one will read it. {see above}. you can't share too much. oh, but you have to share enough. no one cares about my inner most thoughts - post pretty DIY tutorials. you HAVE to have recipes. be vulnerable. don't be vulnerable.
somewhere along the way, i've gotten it in my mind that i can't write here because it doesn't look like {you fill in the blank}'s blog.
i mean, y'all. that's all lies.
because in all honesty. the Lord has not called me or ANY of us to be successful. He has not said, "don't do it unless it's BIG time." He did not call me to be great in ANYone else's eyes.
He just doesn't care about that.
He has, however, called me to be obedient. and to do everything as best i can all with the effort to glorify HIM. not myself.
can i get an amen?
i'm currently reading a million little ways by emily p freeman. it's amazing. if you have ANY inkling of a creative spirit, this book is for you. it really has gotten me thinking about how i go about my daily life.
one of my favorite things i've read so far is in a chapter where she's talking about comparison. and critics. let me share with you a little excerpt that has, unfortunately, struck a cord with me....
"instead of being a friend, their art becomes the enemy and i'm certain their good work guarantees i will never work again. the more i think of how much they are shipping & launching & producing & unveiling, the less i'm able to breathe.
i'm no longer an image bearer with a job to do [to glorify God]. i have become a job doer with an image to maintain.
can we just call this what it is? sin." emily p. freeman, a million little ways // emphasis mine.
boom.
could she not have hit the nail more on the head?
that's where i am.
how can i ever be successful sharing my heart in this little anonymous corner of the world wide web when there are so many other people that are doing it WAY better than i am?
i can't. because i'm measuring the idea of success wrong.
instead of measuring myself against others - looking to the right & to the left at what everyone else is doing and how they're doing it - success should be measured on how i am looking up. to the only One that matters.
am i going about His work on this earth? am i being obedient to what He has called me to do? not what He's called my husband or my best friend or my sister to do.
but what He's called ME to do?
so that's why i'm here.
because He's called me to share.
here.
publicly.
for the world to see.
but even if you don't see. i'm okay.
because HE sees.
and He should be all the audience that matters.
let Him be your audience today.
and i will be here.
unto Him.
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