Wednesday, October 16, 2013

losing my way. & finding it again.

hi friends.

how have you been these past two weeks?

we  had our trunk show for little branches last thursday and it was wonderful. crazy wonderful. i am so blessed by all of my friends - old, new & otherwise - finding time to support me. whether they were there physically or simply in thought - i felt truly encouraged.

thank you. from the BOTTOM of my heart.

but, as i reflect on little branches - and try to grow - and gear up for our next trunk show {next week!} i have been feeling a bit lost.

a few weeks ago, i was beaten down with negative thoughts. i felt like satan was attacking me in a real way with "you're not good enough" voices popping up in my head almost always. and i was so thankful i had friends to pray me through all of those emotions & that thought pattern.

and then i kind of got - for lack of a better term - puffed up. by my own self talk {which i don't think is entirely bad, by the way}, by my sweet friends who were encouraging me and by people i don't even know.

and i thought, "man, i can do this!"

but here's why satan is soooo good at what he does.

i thought i had the negative thought thing defeated. and i claimed victory. {which is biblical because we DO have victory in Jesus}. but satan is sneaky....

and while i had the negative thought thing defeated, he twisted the encouragement into PRIDE.

you heard me.


that super ugly word that we don't like to talk about. that we all like to think "i don't struggle with that" but in reality - i'll just go out on a limb here - we ALL do.

the fact of the matter is that satan starts with truth. and twists them around to make them lies. just like he twisted biblical encouragement into a PRIDEFUL thought pattern.

i got focused on what other people think of my product, my business and my self. i put way too much value in it all of a sudden. a wonderful idea of growing my business - which i do think started from the Holy Spirit - turned into me over-valuing what the world said & not under-valuing what the Lord may have been saying.

so i'm trying to step back and get my heart back into neutral. i want the Lord to show me where HE wants to take little branches.... and if i have to wait a long time, so be it.

earlier this year, He took me to africa, which i would NEVER have imagined a year ago when i started. but the key to that happening is that my heart was in neutral - letting HIM guide me. i didn't go before Him and plan for that to happen. i let Him guide me to the next step.

and what i've realized is that the next step might not be a step. it may be in the standing still. He may still be working some stuff out before me and if i try to get ahead then i won't be ready. the time won't be right. i'll miss out on parts of His plan. the best part.

and if i continue to worry {too much} about  "success" - in the worldly sense - my eyes will be clouded and my judgement will be murky.... and i won't hear all HE is telling me to do.

do you struggle with this? with good things becoming distorted? with good things not necessarily being the BEST thing? with admitting your mistakes and then letting go for Him to work?

the good news for me is that His grace is good. it's sufficient. and it's for ME. His power is made perfect in my weakness.

perfect, y'all.

praying HIS blessings on you today. and on this precious pearl. Peace is her name. and she's been on my heart the past few days as i've slowed down to ask the Lord to remind me of the lessons i learned in august.

her face is forever on my heart. the light in her eyes that never met her smile. this sweet child is His, just as i am.

i will choose to rest in HIS hands today.

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